This is not a question about psychotherapy, but definitely the leader among the frequently asked questions within the session. Asking this and similar questions, the client usually wants to know their diagnosis, or the origin of the problem, or the guidelines as to what she or he should change (or combinations of the above).
A) Diagnosis. We tend to like to know the name of the problem even when it doesn’t help us solve it. The human psyche has a tendency to label and categorize phenomena (including other people) in order to feel some control over them. In fact it is a dangerous illusion. After naming our state we turn away from the inner reality towards specialists’ advice and the Internet. If I am not dealing with an illness, I prefer not to give common names to unique experiences. Another matter would be to invent an equally unique name for it, draw it, dance it…
B) Origins of the problem. Psychologists are known for looking into the past in order to figure out the present. Such an investigation of the client’s history may in fact be very useful, but of itself it doesn’t have a special value. It is far more important to understand how to move forwards. More than once I have encountered people, who got stuck in this quest for the origin of problems, going as far back as past lives. I think such an approach may be useful if there are no visible ways to advance.
C) Guidelines. If only it was so easy! I would say: “Start trusting others”, or “Stop feeling indebted to others” or “Stop criticizing people all the time and they will like you more”. And you’d listen, do as I recommend and become a harmonious, happy human being. But it doesn’t work. At least not straight away and in very rare cases. Usually, clients don’t accept what is said: doesn’t hear it; deny it; accepts it but can’t do anything. So you will have to reach the conclusions and guidelines yourselves. Of course you will have support, help and attentive accompaniment from your therapist.
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