Of course such “recipes don’t exist. The causes, manifestations and consequences of similar states are usually very different in different cases. Only a thorough research of a specific person and their demands could give all the necessary information for a successful solution. However, there are practices that are useful for many if not for all.
I will offer you some examples of such practices that you can use on your own.
1) Gratitude
There are numerous exercises that help us concentrate on things that go well in life. Even in the most difficult of circumstances there remains a great deal of reasons to consider oneself a lucky person. For example, to read this text you need to be blessed with sight, ability to read, access to a computer (mobile phone, tablet) and a moment of free time to use all of this. There are not that many people on the planet that have all of those. So, here go some options of how to practice gratitude:
– every night before falling asleep list 10 things that you are grateful for;
– every night remember 3 moments of the day, when you felt happiness or pleasure, and think about the reasons for that;
– hang a poster-sized piece of paper on a wall (or carry a special notebook with you), and note there everything you feel grateful for. Begin by listing 10-15 things, and then every day add at least one more.
2) Meditation
This word encompasses a wide range of practices that promote grounding in the present moment, strengthening of the connection with the inner observer, and calm acceptance of reality. Regular meditation benefits all sides of life: physical state improves (cardiovascular and immune systems, and energy level etc.); cognitive abilities increase (attention span, memorization, information processing, decision making etc.); emotional state stabilizes (less prone towards depression, anxiety and impulsivity, better overall mood, self-esteem and self-acceptance, more optimism). All of the above are just a part of what can be gained by regular long-term meditation practice. This is very important to know because the results usually come later than you expect, but the longer you practice, the stronger and more durable the results. On the bright side: you won’t need more than 20-30 minutes a day to notice the difference.
You can investigate yourself which one of the numerous options of meditation suits you best. Personally I enjoy Mindfulness. You can learn the basics on your own using the practical guide by M. Williams and D. Penman “Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world”. It has been a great help to me.
3) Physical activity
For physical activity to have a positive effect on your emotional life, it has to be consistent (same as meditation). It is enough to find a pleasant 10-15 minute long training routine and do it every day at a convenient time, and you will notice how you become happier and more energized. It is important for the activity to be really enjoyable. You can dance crazy to a song you love (my activity of choice), ride a bike, perform favorite yoga asanas, jump – the range of options is endless.
4) Diary
Psychologists have invented a great variety of written practices. Depending on a specific case I suggest one or another. But the diary still remains the most well known and widespread of all. Pen and paper (or keyboard and screen) help us create a distance between us and our lives, see events from a different angle. A lot of people experience this possibility to step aside as empowering. It gives a sense of control over oneself and one’s life. Often we feel engulfed, overwhelmed, drowning in a whirlpool of tasks, thoughts and feelings. A diary helps structure things, put them in order and see in a new light.
5) Creativity
Creating something out of nothing is a magic. It has its own value, because it affects the inner world in a similar manner as an open window affects a stuffy room. The result doesn’t matter. There is no need to know how to paint, sing, play, write, dance etc. It is enough to enjoy the process and feel that you are expressing something deeply intimate and important.
6) Appreciation
The first 5 practices have to do primarily with one’s relationship with oneself (this is where it usually makes sense to start), but this last one is about relationships with important Others. This practice has a preliminary stage: check if your relationship with this person is based on mutual respect. It might seem to go without saying, however it is the closest to us that tend to be overlooked the first. Here are some questions that will help you evaluate the state of your relationship:
– Do we greet each other upon meeting and parting? (for a couple upon waking and going to sleep as well)
– Do we say “Thank you”, “please” and “I am sorry” to each other?
– Do we say hurtful things? If you have any doubt about this one – ask if your words offend the Other. Sometimes we might see as harmless or funny things that would cause pain to the Other.
– Do we cause physical harm to each other?
If you answered “yes” to the first two and “no” to the last two, go on to the description of the practice. This introductory part might feel excessive to you, but relationships that lack respect are much more widespread than most of us like to believe. If you saw that you or your close one are not fully respectful – this is what has to change first of all. No practice, training or exercise can improve a relationship based on disrespect.
The practice of appreciation of the Other consists of two simple elements that have to be performed every day (or every time you spend time together, if you are thinking of a person that doesn’t live with you). 1) At least once sincerely and explicitly thank them for something good, that this person has done or is doing for you (for example, “thank you for making me laugh, I was in such a bad mood today” or “thank you for buying my favorite cheese, it is very important to feel how you care about me”). 2) Say at least one sincere compliment, noticing something you really like in them (it doesn’t have to be only about appearance).
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